the sensation i never regret

Love is somewhat a feeling that no one can explain. It’s something you want to swallow and at the same time you don’t want to digest.

Why is it that sometimes you have the eagerness to extinguish the weird feeling towards somebody?

Sometimes I feel like I want to end everything, but like the wind it keeps on coming back. Being with the person makes me happy although I know deep inside me, I’m just the second person in line – worst was I lost every ounce of the sanity I have.

The past haunts every action I am doing – for diminutive time I beg for someone who could be there, someone who can cherish every part of me – the flaws I have or the ugliness I have.

I know it’s bad to dwell on things too much but the mushy thing was, I kept on relinquishing every chapter I am facing. From the heart of blue to the heat of darkness I’ve been digging for an answer, but it comforts me every time I wish of the feeling to grow.

The sun may seem so friendly but the moon will always seem bright and enlightens me. The feeling of being there is always tattooed in my wit. But the reality seems to notify me.

Reality bites, and it will always will. A song from the corrs entitled “what can I do” kept on playing in my mind. That there is so much I can take but I have to let go – The feeling of being happy with the person and at the same time the feeling to let go.

He once told me that he will be there and will always help me but he will always love the one he loves. How can I move on? How can I forget everything we had, if he always appears? How can I force myself to delete him from my microchip if he is always haunting me? His smile, his voice, his palm, him being tender and soft provokes me to always love him back.

Sometimes I feel like I was just infatuated but sometimes I feel like it was more of a pearl that could be found in the deepest part of the ocean. The pearl that beats abnormally is the same pearl that was strangled and stepped down before he came.

Each year I was overwhelmed with mix emotions I could never explain, same emotion I could never nourish and the same feeling I have to burry six feet below or inside the core.

Sometimes I wish of being a character in a fairy tale like Cinderella or Snow white, but I don’t think there is a prince who’s willing to take the risk and fight for every antagonist that blocks the forest of deliverance.

I dreamt of having a carousel full of flowers but in reality I always get a horse full of thorns. I wish of loving someone and be loved by somebody but every time I was about to reach it, I always stumble.

Fear struck me, thorns always prick me and bullets always hit me. Visions may come vividly but clouds of disappointment blocks me.

Love – a beautiful gift to give and receive, but why does it always come and go, leaving you behind unanswered, doubtful and hanging?